I felt like an only child for most of my years as a child. With my only older sibling being 11 years older and quite frankly acting mostly more as a parent than a sibling.
I had no choice but to live a slightly confused role of a last born / only child. I believed I was far more mature than most of my peers – we can blame this on type of music I fell in love with while hanging with my sister and her friends as well as the aspirations and conversations I was privy to. I would usually feel out of place when my friends would choose to listen to songs of our time rather than the good oldies or shake over some random topic that really didn’t move me. This went on and basically is still the case, but something changed the year I turned 14 and my sister had a baby…
She came into our lives; tiny, innocent and did I mention, as a baby! I finally had a position that didn’t let me feel so much of a last born anymore even though it seemed highly conflicting as I realized I had become an aunt. The struggle to be responsible was very real. Learning to change diapers, feed, hold, soothe and be generally responsible for a child (all the millions of times I babysat!) was really an experience I’m not sure I was prepared for! She grew into a toddler and had become a part of me; a part that gave my life more purpose. She baically was my handbag and referred to me as her best friend anytime anyone cared to know. Life made a little more sense to the slightly confused little girl as I balanced school, fun and babysitting which made up most of my lifestyle into my early 20’s.
Sadly, she withdrew from me when she turned 10 because I announced I was getting married and she believed my husband had come to ‘steal’ me away and to be honest, I could have handled things a bit better, but just like all
moms aunts, we do make mistakes.
However, on the same day, 11 years after my niece was born, I welcomed my daughter into the world! The same day y’all! This totally confirmed to me the depth of love and bond that exists between us 💃💃💃 And while I thought I had experienced all the emotions a mother could possibly feel with my niece, nothing prepared me for the rollercoaster of emotions I have been on!
Both my babies are a year older tomorrow; one turns 16 while the other turns 5! There is a rare unspoken bond between both of them and I am so thankful for how kind God has been to me and mine. For the gift of love and for growth – my confused days are long gone!