Regrets

I find myself being held back.

Stopping myself from saying the things that I really want to say; not doing the things I really want to do.

Many times I beat myself up minutes after a conversation, thinking of a thousand different ways I could have responded differently. A nastier comeback is usually the case!

Sometimes, it is the fear of being criticized – what will my family think? or the fear of possible future regrets. Other times, it is the falsehood of being perfect and not falling into a trap of being tagged ‘bad’ or ‘anyhow’.

For as long as I can remember, one of my mantras has been ‘No Regrets’.

Just out of a bad relationship? No Regrets.

Getting hurt by a visibly unhealthy friendship, No Regrets.

Waking up the morning after with the wrong person? No Regrets.

Missed opportunities for relocation? No Regrets.

I have somehow found a way to trick myself into believing that everything happens for a reason and once something happens which can’t be changed, No Regrets.

How long really can the No Regrets mantra live for?

There comes a time when regretful situations really must cause regret.

I find myself these days, having little or no patience with people who will rather put others down in order to avoid their own shortcomings. The more I explore the world, the more I realize most of us base our actions on selfish reasoning and personal gain well above a thoughtful consideration of the next person. This has made the good guys the underdog, a viable prey for a demented world.

This, for me is a global regret.

The more good I try to do, the more I realize the sad truths of the changing world. My only regret? Not building a zero tolerance for bulls*it earlier.

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