Bitter Deep

I can identify with Melinda.

She had bottled up emotions and major anger issues. Clearly she had suffered daddy issues, struggled with her identity, placed all forms of her relevance on another being. Her siblings were totally oblivious to her issues which ran deep mentally. With all these and perhaps some more that haven’t been spelt out, she found pseudo comfort in someone equally broken.

A man who needed mending. He was a good guy deep down who suffered from identinty crisis. My deduction is he also had daddy issues which can be easily deduced by the way he found comfort in the pampering hands of a young disturbed girl. While I admire his tenacity and his unwavering belief in his dreams, life seemed to stand still for everyone else around him as the world suffered a great subtraction. Robert kept his life on hold in a bid to find fulfilment of his dreams. How do you manage to stay alive but deliberately stop yourself from living? How do you allow someone give up their lives for you? How do you act so oblivious towards your spouse and watch them drown in their own mess?

She experienced overwhelming bitterness, deep regret and sorrow. She needed help! People around her were more concerned about trivial things that meant absolutely nothing to them, totally disregarding the person that mattered the most.
Allowing negative emotions deteriorate is one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone. While others are responsible for us, we have the sole responsibility to ensure our minds are in the right place.

Once brokenness occurs, the likelihood of it happening again is 10x higher especially if you’ve resorted to a defence mechanism that doesn’t address the problem but stiffles it. One day, you’d find yourself right back where you thought you left or worse.

I finally got to see the movie Acrimony yesterday. To be honest, I was slightly biased as to my expectations based on the many comments I had heard. I was ready to hate Robert and to cry at the end due to the tragic conclusion no one seemed to tell me about.

My view of the movie however took a 360 degrees turnaround. Robert was a good guy! While I know he had his issues, he really just seemed like a guy who was never taught how to be a man. He relied on his woman for far more than her purview.

I tell myself often, I am nobody’s conscience neither am I anyone’s Holy Spirit. When you assume a role totally out of your purview, you are asking for consequences totally out of your imagination.

Melinda taking those loans to fund Robert’s dreams, numbing her emotions to feed his and putting her life as well as her identity in his hands were totally out of purview.

Yes, one can argue – she loved him… Almost insanely.

Do we sometimes misconstrue the meaning of love?
Love builds up. Love improves. Love lives.

There was a time lapse in the movie where years went by and they were still married and still in the same situation – emotionally… and financially.

This makes me wonder, when was Melinda’s breaking point? How come no one saw she needed more help? Why was she so angry? Why were her sisters so intrusive?

While I understand Melinda had probably been stretched far beyond her threshold, one can learn a thing or two about their divorce:

  1. Identity is key. Know who you are.
  2. Sometimes all you need is the right time – leave earlier or stay through till the end
  3. Life time decisions should never be based on emotions
  4. Know your limit, stick to it. Do not be ashamed to be your own kind of human
  5. Jesus gave himself up for us already, that’s not our job to do
  6. Live or Leave

Finally to the cheating part. He cheated on her while they were dating, nothing suggests he did while they were married. While this is another topic entirely, no one should go into a marriage oblivious of the hard fact that we are who we are. It takes the Grace of God to refine ourselves to be better.

I was slighted however when he moved on so fast even though I admit that the circumstances in which their marriage ended as well as the life they were both subjected to was horrid enough for anyone to move on and not look back.

Did anyone notice how worse off they both were?

I am learning that we must find time to review ourselves.

While we all suffer from one pain or the other, it is left to us to give ourselves a chance to be mended and not fall victim of Acrimony.

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