This has been on my mind for a few days now and I decided to write about it.
A while ago, I posted the below picture on my Instagram page @chronologiebymo (follow me please 🙂 ) and someone disagreed with me (see IG post for actual response).
According to her, we can prepare for parenthood by reading and listening to teachings about it. I must confess, it took me all the control buttons I had in me to give an objective and polite response. Do not get me wrong, I am very open to everyone’s point of view on different issues. It just so happens that this for me was a sensitive topic.
Here’s me making sure I got pregnant within a month of my marriage all because I believed I was born ready to be a mom. I had lost a child before and all I wanted was a memory to replace the existing painful one. I had always told my husband I wanted two or three children (somehow even my love for kids never prompted me to want more). My husband on the other hand wanted a football team if possible (trust me, the story is different now). Thank God this did not influence our decision for us to get married, we most definitely wouldn’t have ended up together.
Pregnancy for me is the fun part, I like the little things people around me do to make me feel comfortable and happy. Nigerians show lots of love to pregnant women, someone was always offering to buy me lunch, rub my feet or offering me a seat. It was not all that smooth till the end as I became really big in the last few weeks of my pregnancy – my baby enjoyed my womb too much, we had to yank her out in the 40th week.
Anyway, the first few weeks were the hardest for me. Funnily, her cries were more piercing than I imagined, sleep was not in my dictionary. As stated in a previous post, breastfeeding was hellish and I craved to ‘feel like myself’ so badly. Recovery seemed impossible, the pain from my surgery line seemed to last forever, the weather was way too hot and the experience generally was two ways – pure joy and pure pain.
So allow me restate – parenthood is indeed a school you are never prepared for and neither do you graduate from. Let me address the latter point first with a real life example. My mom who is over sixty years old, still plays her role as my mother. I go to her when I need to whine, I ask her for money, I hand over my daughter to her whenever she’s around. Basically motherhood for her got real especially with her children’s children. With regards to the first part (not being prepared), I strongly believe no one is every fully ready! I had stated in a previous post how I felt I was ready especially after taking care of my niece and nephew, I however got a rude shock! I have now realized that I cannot handle more than one baby at a time.
I know I seem like a pessimist and from most of my posts it seems like I always share the negative parts of parenthood. This is because no one shares it. We see beautiful photo shopped pictures of a baby and mom / dad and fall deeply in love wanting exactly what we see in the pictures ( I fell for it too), forgetting there is something called real life!
I laughed when one of my friends reached out to me after my post on breastfeeding (See Here) told me she was shocked that breastfeeding is actually painful. This was something I found out in my twenty something years on earth after I had a baby!
So yes, thank me everyone for sharing the real life experiences of parenthood! It is indeed my pleasure!