Complete vs Complement

I realize that a number of people cannot phantom the fact that I try my best to be as blunt as possible on my blog.

Writing for me has gone beyond an art to being a pathway to expressing my innermost thoughts.

My last post was a bit sensitive, I admit. A lot of people cannot phantom how I can freely express myself on touchy topics. I believe it is a gift. A gift I have given into and I’m willing to explore.

It is important to marry God’s chosen one for you. Your spouse who is fondly referred to as you other half or better half is supposed to complement you not complete you. Complement according to the dictionary means Balance. Therefore you aren’t seeking another individual to complete you (as the world paints to us), you are seeking someone to Balance / even you out (your strengths, weaknesses, etc).

The Holy Spirit Completes you while your spouse complements you. This means to me that where I fall short, my spouse fills up. This means that if I work together with my spouse we can achieve great success because then we are working together in completion.

I bet you’ve noticed that I started this write up differently from where I am now, this is because I am ‘freestyle writing’ in my office when I am supposed to be on my way home!

These are the little thoughts that drop in my mind and I just type out as it comes.

So critical message to pass on in this post is the need to marry who complements you.

Physical attraction is not enough in marriage and most definitely sex isn’t too.

I fall short in many ways but my husband fills the gap and vice versa. This has helped us grow fonder and closer so this is me talking from almost four years of experience!

Okay I have to leave now but I promise to be back!

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In loving memory…

You would have been four today.

I have had to live without your cries, without your smiles, without your first walk, without the sound of your voice. The thought of you not having a chance to experience the world breaks my heart.

I still remember your small delicate stature.

You always clung to my fingers, almost like you never wanted to let go. Little did I know how special this was. The doctors were amazed at your responses to me.

Although I know you are in a much better place, it still hurts knowing I never got a chance to show you how much I love you.

You will always and forever be in my heart, a part of me I’d never forget.

Moving on has been hard but I have been consoled in many ways I never thought possible.

Thank you for teaching me what true love feels like, thank you for freeing me from the bondage that had me tied up.

Remembering you today and always.

In loving memory of you…

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Photo Credit: Pintrest – naughtynatt

The trials of Lagos

I had to cajole myself to write; please bear with my rants.

Yesterday I pondered on how my life would have been if I lived ‘abroad’. Seeing videos and pictures of some of my peers in the UK or US sometimes sparks a hint of pain in my heart.

Why wasn’t I birthed in one of those countries, why didn’t I grow up in Washington DC or London?

To be honest, I had a chance to relocate to the U.S but I turned it down. I was young and very naïve; neither was I ready for that kind of change. I have always had high hopes for my country, Nigeria. Call me silly but I always pictured this country to be much better than where we are now. Has this dream of mine been dashed? No. I am still holding on to a small fraction of hope that still lives within.

Living in Lagos is hard.

The light / water / traffic situation can be depressing.

Getting home after a long day at the office is #bliss until the lights go off (that is if you even meet it).

Nowadays I find myself talking to myself, pacifying the inner me that someday very soon, things will be different. My mind tends to tell itself that I have to be a #billionaire to withstand ‘the trials of Lagos’.

The one thing I’d like to point out in this post, is that a marriage that can withstand Lagos trials is a marriage indeed.

Just think for a moment… How can you be romantic while sweating profusely? How can your mind be at rest if you keep meditating on the Word, praying for light and/or water? How do you bond when after-work dates are limited as you rush off to beat the traffic?

I can just imagine if I did not have to consider factors like these…

I admit nowhere is perfect; but I can just imagine the thrills of a cold snowy day with the hubs, relying on each other for warmth; constant (24/7) power supply, zero traffic, dinner dates, warm baths, cozy evenings and lots more. I may as well have been on baby number three by now!

How then do we Lagos dwellers manage to spice up our marriages / relationships?

Milestone 

This past week, my blog (#chronologiebymo) reached a milestone.  I wrote my 50th post and gained over 50 followers!

It is amazing how far I’ve come. I recall I started with blogspot see here before migrating to wordpress.

I had just had my baby and was dealing with the euphoria. I really wanted to write… I wanted to express myself so bad. I had just gotten married and was experiencing the time of my life.

I recall deciding to share my experiences with the world to help those who go through similar paths. It was quite a challenge because I am uptight (as I have been told) and private, but I realized whenever I had a story to share, I went all out!

So here’s what I have learnt. You can always push yourself to do more. God will give the grace once He finds a willing heart.

I am thankful to all who encourage me and happy I entertain and enlighten you!

Cheers to many more posts and learnings!

P. S check out my old posts, they are creatively different from how I write now!
Photo credit: Flinttown

Bad Habit…

I have a bad habit.

One which is clearly defined in the Bible passage that says …’let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us’ Heb 12:1.

I ask myself, can I stop?

I know I cannot, even if I put all my energy into it. I also know it isn’t something I’m proud of. I struggle each time I am tempted. I clearly see a way out as the Lord promised but I fall. I fall really hard, flat on my face.

Praying afterwards is hard. Speaking to the Holy Spirit is a chore. I face condemnation. I witness guilt. That voice tells me I have messed up.

It questions my being, it questions my spirituality.

Oh! if only I can leave it all behind. I have carried this cross for as long as I can remember. What a day it’ll be when I can look temptation in the face and stick my tongue out at it and walk away.

I know I am not alone.

As lonely as it feels after I have derived pleasure from it, I console myself knowing there is someone else out there going through something similar.

Is your spirit willing but the flesh weak? Do you fall for that sin that easily sets you back?

Take heart, you are not alone.

I find consolation in the fact that every day, I am a step closer to my redemption. The Bible says ‘Flee all appearances of evil’ if only we heed this.

Be guided

I realized after my public testimony that a number of people were praying for me. This didn’t come as a surprise, it came as a pleasant realization.

So many of us have people fighting battles for us even without our knowledge. This has taught me the importance of surrounding ourselves with people of like minds and intentions.

I walked into my daughter’s crèche this morning and remembered that I had confided in one of her teachers about the bleeding.

I exclaimed ‘It has stopped!’ and immediately two of them got up and danced and were praising the Lord. This actually shocked me because I was not expecting the second lady to understand what I meant. But it so happens that they had been praying for me collectively and my testimony came as a great relief to them. This warmed my heart. It made me appreciate the little things of life all over again. It also taught me that the choices we make, no matter how little goes along way.

I always tell anyone who cares to listen that my decision to take my daughter to that particular crèche was divine.

This reinforced the fact that we need to back all our decisions with spiritual guidance. I try not to make decisions by myself. I really try to put God in all areas of my life. This has worked for me, I know it will work for you.

Another thing I’d like to touch on today is that we need to show love to everyone. We do not have to wait till someone dies before we write an epistle of what they mean to us.

Live each day like it’s your last, show some love and pray for all.

Enjoy the rest of your week! Wishing you a fun weekend in advance!

Life Support.

It is day 2 of the new work year and I feel great!

Moving offices is one of the best things that happened to me. After working in a particular location for about six years, I have to make a mental note each morning not to go to my old office location. This reminds me of when I just got married. I always thought I’d forget that I live in my husband’s house and leave my office for my mom’s…. this never happened. I realized that my being was ready to move on (abokoku 🙂 ).

I’d like to share some good news with you.

I stopped bleeding last night! It is a miracle! This is after five weeks and after various medications!

During this time, apart from the bleeding, I suffered a really bad cough which was accompanied by a really sore throat. I have not slept well in over a week, my body hurts and I had a really low libido.

I have had time to think through a lot of things and I must confess, there is no way I will take little things for granted anymore.

Bleeding for so long made me miss the serenity of having a stable menstrual cycle, rid me of the joy of taking baths with my daughter and basically missed being totally healthy and comfortable.

I understand fully now that every day is a gift, every moment of peace and serenity is a blessing.

My heart really does go out to those who are suffering from one illness or another, who have been taken away from their comfort zone, who are subjected to the use of various types of medications, who are taking care of a sick loved one – this, I have learnt is almost as bad as being sick yourself. Do not be dismayed, nothing lasts forever. Everything that has a beginning surely has an end.

My favorite phrase growing up was ‘This too shall pass’. I held on to it during bad times and it always kept me going.

I have written about a support system previously, this is key. No man is an island. We all need to learn when to hit the ‘pause’ button. We need to understand that it is okay to be weak. We need to admit we need help. My support system keeps me going. I can face whatever life throws at me because of these blessed people the Lord has surrounded me with. We know and trust God not to give us more than we can bear. With this in mind, identify who these people are in your life and bask in the joy of knowing you are never alone.

In my marriage, I have learnt not to act more macho than I really am. You see, when I was single, I put all my effort in being unbreakable. I took on life’s lemons and tried to make lemonades. Little did I know that they were all piling as unresolved issues which later contributed to the breakdown I suffered.

Now I live my life easy.

Taking it a day at a time. There are so many things beyond my control, I have faith that all works together for my good. That’s how I remain sane. That’s how I don’t freak out and that’s how I get things done.