I have learnt a few things from my almost three years of marriage. I pondered on this on my way to the office and thought to share.
The Bond – bonding is very important in the first few years of marriage.
I believe especially in the first year, you need to take out time to learn how to adjust to your new life. Dating as a lot people say is very different from marriage. While dating you get to go home, fight for long hours, ignore each other’s calls, etc. In marriage you are in each other’s faces forever. So I’ve learnt that bonding matters a whole lot. You get to learn about your spouse afresh, their habits etc.
My friend once mentioned that her husband did not know about her morning breath until they got married!
The Finance – a number of my friends tell me they do not contribute to the home.
Well I do. And I like it. It gives me a sense of belonging and responsibility. I like that I can strategize with my husband and have a say in the way we run the home. Marriage has taught me to be open and less insecure.
The Sex – as a Christian wife, I fought very hard with the idea that you should not deny your spouse of sex. What if I’m tired? What if I’m uninterested at the moment? What if I want more? So many questions…
I have learnt that you actually need to learn to satisfy your spouse with everything within your power. Feeling tired? Take a cold shower – it’ll help. Feeling unsatisfied? Communicate exactly how you want it. Need adventure? Proffer tactics to spice up your sex life. Nowadays I try to always be ready! Lol – it has put us in a good place.
The Family – if you are close to me, you will know that I’m a sucker for family. I’d rather hang out with my family than look for friends – no offense.
I love my nuclear and extended family. Of course be mindful of setting boundaries, your nuclear family is the most important. What your spouse feels and thinks are priority. Learn to be an advocate of peace, enjoy moments spent with your family. At the end of the day, you cannot trade them for another.
The Parenting – being a new mom (LOL after two years), I still struggle with the method I want to adapt in bringing up our daughter. Many times, I find myself exasperated by something she’s doing and then my husband comes to my rescue.
In parenting, I believe there needs to be a good cop and a bad cop. The one who is a little soft and the other a little hard. I must confess, I am the softie (this actually shocks me). My daughter climbs on me, jumps on me, plays with my hair, does so many things she cannot try with her father. If you follow me on IG, I’m sure you would have guessed this already. I’m her play mate, we sing nursery rhymes together, watch cartoons together, we actually do most things together.
Now the funny thing is she is actually more inclined towards her father. She prefers him to put her to bed, she rather he feeds her and looks up to him for so many other things.
I guess I’ve learnt the importance of two parents in a child’s life. There’s that balance, there’s harmony, there’s a sense of security and lots more.
The home – I grew up believing in the strict roles of the man and wife. The wife engages in house-hold chores and the upbringing of the children while the man provides.
The lines are blurred now. I am not too ashamed to ask my husband for help with house chores when I need to and I am not reluctant to contribute. Don’t get me wrong, this is entirely subjective. It’s your home, you get to decide the way you want to run it.
Your spouse – all my life I dreamt of prince charming. At an early age, I watched Disney fairytales and believed one day my own prince will scoop me off my feet, ride with me on his horse and take me to his castle, where we will live happily ever after. It didn’t quite turn out that way. You see I kissed a number of frogs before one magically transformed into my prince.
My husband… he compliments me, he knows my weaknesses but feeds my strengths, he nurtures me, he builds me, he is open with me and loves me in spite of all my flaws. Your spouse is God ordained, God’s unique special gift to you. Nothing happens by coincidence. The one you chose with the leading of the Holy Spirit is indeed the one for you.
Yes, there are times that you doubt if you made the right decisions especially when life throws curve balls at you. Be strong, remember why you chose your spouse, have faith in the timing it all happened and live life together knowing that two is indeed better than one.
This post is dedicated to my husband who turns a year older on Thursday. I know and I believe that God made me for you. You’ve taught me how to love, you’ve taught me how to live. You’ve taught me how to accept and believe in myself even when I don’t like ‘me’. I know we’ve been through a lot in recent years but I find consolation in the fact that God has us. He brought us back together when it was bleakest and has refreshed our love over and over again. May God continue to use us to touch lives in Jesus’ Name.