I am afraid of a lot of things…
Sometimes I wonder if I’m allowed to have such strong emotions.
As a child, I looked up to my mom and my sister for everything. From killing roaches, to killing worms, to feeding and of course clothing me. What else do you expect from a last born of the whole family (this includes both mom and dad’s side of the family). I was highly dependent on them.
For some reason, I was dependent on God too. I recall the early stages of my asthma (that’s all in my past now), I prayed from the depth of my heart for God to heal me. I didn’t understand how I could sleep and wake up with asthma. I recall making promises to God(not sure I fulfilled all), asking for a miracle… Like I said, that’s in my past now. (I got healed many years later).
Back to present day…
I am still afraid of roaches – now I rely on my husband to do the killing. I am still afraid of spiders – I also rely on him to kill them. I still don’t know how to clothe myself – I rely on my husband, mom and sister for this. I don’t know how to make myself up – I rely on my friends.
I don’t know a lot of things.
I am afraid of the unknown, worried about tomorrow and yet I am a mom… I used to think moms knew everything… Moms are never afraid. Moms have all the answers.
Now I know better, moms are human.
I however choose to remain a superhuman to my daughter… I’d gladly kill a roach for her, I’d dress her up nicely (even better than myself), I’d provide answers to questions even I don’t know(thank God for Google) and much more.
And what do I do with my fears? I’ll keep on reporting them to my Father… Who says moms don’t have daddies?
Good night! (It’s 11pm here)