Interlude… 

So I received a lot of backlash from my Sex-ual post see here.

Apparently a number of people can’t phantom why I can boldly share / write. 

I know sex is a sensitive topic especially for families with girls and I respect our conservative nature but I also know we all can learn from other people’s experiences. 

So many people are suffering in silence, unable to discuss / open up about the things they go through. 

I am committed to sharing real life stories that can/will help people deal with their issues. 

Many thanks to everyone who read and sent me personal comments! You make me want to spill more! Lol. 

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Sex…ual

I consider myself a very sexual person.

I became aware of my sexuality at quite a young age, before the age of 16. I was a woman girl with curves. I knew what I had and I knew the power I had over men. This may seem shocking to you but take a moment to think about when you became aware of your sexuality. Some realize this at the age of 13 while some at the ripe age of 21. It varies…

Growing up, practically an only child permitted me to have wild imaginations, explore and opened me up to a lot of advances from the men around me. I knew at an early age the repercussions of sex. I recall a time when one of our drivers made advances at me, I repelled him like two unlike poles of a magnet! You see, we were told back then that if a man so much as touches you (this is after your first period of course) you will get pregnant.

My first kiss was amazing lol, this happened with my family friend (he who must not be named) at his house! Our mothers are really close friends and we used to hang out at his very often. We met on my 10th birthday (yes, you read right, 10) and the chemistry was out of this world. I was really naïve and didn’t understand why a boy will call me (our land phone for that matter)! We sparked a bond and he asked me to be his girlfriend (I think I was 11 or 12 then). He taught me the art of making out kissing way before I turned 16! I remember his birthday parties were ‘lit’ with boys and girls grinding and smooching on the dance floor. This used to freak me out! (what can I say, I was the good one)

I realize now that most of the experiences I had during my teenage years have shaped my sexual life.

This is for the women, mothers to girls. Do not be too naïve, neither should you live in denial about what goes on. Children / teenagers know a lot. My advice is to get close enough to guide them on how not to make ghastly mistakes from a momentary pleasure.

Random… Superhuman

I am afraid of a lot of things… 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m allowed to have such strong emotions. 

As a child, I looked up to my mom and my sister for everything. From killing roaches, to killing worms, to feeding and of course clothing me. What else do you expect from a last born of the whole family (this includes both mom and dad’s side of the family). I was highly dependent on them. 

For some reason, I was dependent on God too. I recall the early stages of my asthma (that’s all in my past now), I prayed from the depth of my heart for God to heal me. I didn’t understand how I could sleep and wake up with asthma. I recall making promises to God(not sure I fulfilled all), asking for a miracle… Like I said, that’s in my past now. (I got healed many years later). 

Back to present day… 

I am still afraid of roaches – now I rely on my husband to do the killing. I am still afraid of spiders – I also rely on him to kill them. I still don’t know how to clothe myself – I rely on my husband, mom and sister for this. I don’t know how to make myself up – I rely on my friends. 

I don’t know a lot of things. 

I am afraid of the unknown, worried about tomorrow and yet I am a mom… I used to think moms knew everything… Moms are never afraid. Moms have all the answers. 

Now I know better, moms are human. 

I however choose to remain a superhuman to my daughter… I’d gladly kill a roach for her, I’d dress her up nicely (even better than myself), I’d provide answers to questions even I don’t know(thank God for Google) and much more. 

And what do I do with my fears? I’ll keep on reporting them to my Father… Who says moms don’t have daddies? 

Good night! (It’s 11pm here) 


Random… Marriage

A lot of people in my life do not understand why I remain friends with some people. Friendship for me is deep. It is a place where souls connect, where relationships are strengthened, where likes and dislikes are discovered and so on.

A while ago (many years before I got married) I was very scared of the idea of marriage / getting married.

There were so many people around me who had what I consider bad marriages – the men were either cheating or hitting their wives, the women were either unhappy of lost in their world abd so on. It was really horrid. I battled for many years, the thought of marriage.

Was this something I wanted to venture into? Was my husband going to be like the men around me? Was I going to be happy? Was I going to regret my choice? Was I going to have kids? Would I be a good wife and mom? Would my husband cheat? Would I cheat? …

This was a fight I fought all by myself. I sort to seek the answers one way or another. I discussed it once with my mom who reassured me that my marriage will be anything I want it to be. I know that didn’t pacify me. I had to dig deeper… what exactly do I want in a man, was his spirituality something I cared about? Was it about money? Was it about his looks? Was it about his genes? What exactly did I want?

I can tell you that the answer did not come to me at once. I went through a number of heartbreaks and pain before I got to where I am.

Below are some factors that affect relationships/marriages based on my experience:

  • Spirituality / Religion – consider this before going into any relationship. Are you on the same page when it comes to Religion? A lot of couples disagree on religion (especially when children are involved) thereby causing discord in the home
  • Culture / Family background
  • Principles
  • Finance
  • Communication

I know the experience is different for everyone however, one thing is for sure, the best marriages are built on friendship….

MOMMY DIARIES 1

September 29th 2014.

I gave birth to my baby girl.

I recall being really frightened as I was prepped for surgery.

My husband was with me all the way. We held hands and prayed under our breaths.

The sound of a crying baby filled the room and the nurses laughed with joy! My husband was asked to see the baby and what I actually heard was ‘woow!! She is so big!!!’ Little did I know how big she was!

She was a whopping 4.35kg! All I saw as the nurse brought her close were her chubby cheeks!

To be honest, I didn’t fall in love with her at first sight (I know a lot of people say they do), I was actually wondering why she was so big!

Moving on to some minutes after, I was sewn back and wheeled to my room. The sight was breath taking! I saw my mom holding my baby in her arms and my husband beaming right above them. That was when it clicked… I just had a baby!

My first night as a mom was horrific as I was left unattended to (bleeding) and with my baby (they actually expected me to mind her). I had to practically beg a nurse to help change her diaper as she had soiled it.

Getting a bath the next morning was nothing fun either. My stitch line hurt really badly and I could hardly stand upright.

I thought to myself that the experience was overrated!

Nobody prepared me for the physical pain I felt! Many thanks to so many people who had gone ahead of me and made it seem like it was a fairy tale experience! I expected the baby to pop out with ease (why else would a woman have 6 children?).  The updates I see of newborns by their mother also sent me the wrong message… How can one go through so much pain and immediately upload your status with your baby’s pictures?! It all didn’t make any sense!

Anyway to continue with my story, my little miss was born with a natural incline to feed. And so I breastfed her immediately I felt okay to sit up and I can tell you that it was the most beautiful feeling ever (no be fairytale).  But of course, I had yet another rude shock.

No one EVER told me how extremely painful breastfeeding was!

It felt like I had a grown person’s teeth grazing my nipples! I need a doctor to explain this though. Why did I feel that much teeth under those soft looking gums?!

Few days after, I found myself dreading breast feeding my baby.

I wept at the thought.

As soon as she latched on, the tears came running down. I recall one of my cousins teaching me how to latch my baby on to my breast, just imagine, I needed tutorials! (Something that was again never mentioned to me!).

Days turned into weeks and I was sore all over. Sore from the surgery, sore from breastfeeding, sore from lack of sleep, sore from the early stages of motherhood.

I am definitely not trying to discourage anyone (especially expectant mothers). I am however happy to share my experience so that all moms-to-be can prepare.

Please Note:

  • People and experience differ
  • I am more than happy to go through it all over again
  • I am not crazy

Cheers!