Many months ago I suffered a mental illness which the doctors termed as Post-partum Psychosis.
This term according to Wikipedia, is ‘a term that covers a group of mental illnesses with the sudden onset of psychotic symptoms following childbirth’. ‘A typical example is for a woman to become irritable, have extreme mood swings and hallucinations, and possibly need psychiatric hospitalization’
However to me, it just felt like I lost my mind.
I was conscious but unconscious, I saw things that only my mind conjured up. I remember a particular moment where I saw myself chasing after my own mind! It (my mind) had a shape of a heart and it seemed to have legs which made it outrun me!! Bizarre? I agree.
Often times as I was told, all I did was cry out for my husband (funnily years ago, I would have called out to my mom).
Anyway, I went through the toughest, darkest period of my life.
I felt hopeless, I felt defeated.
Wonder why I’m reminiscing about all this?
I recently listened to a song titled ‘No longer slaves’ by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser (check it out: song).
This song lifts my spirit so high I feel I can fly! I have not been able to go hours without listening to it.
I cast my mind back to those days when I was a slave to fear. The days I buried members of my family in my mind, times I was paralyzed with the fear of death, the days I battled with bad thoughts, moments when I surrendered to fear, times I felt so worthless and undeserving of all I had…
The beginning of the song starts with ‘You unravel me with a melody You surround me with a song, of deliverance from my enemies, ‘Til all my fears are gone…’
I, Modupe have been liberated from my bondage, I sing my freedom! He has drowned my fears in perfect love, He rescued me and I will stand and sing I am a child of God!
God alone can liberate, God alone can free, God alone gives multiple chances, to Him alone I surrender. Draw near to Him and live! Live a life free of fear, a life so abundant, a life of peace.
To Jonathan and Melissa, I am grateful to you for putting to song exactly what I feel in my heart.
I declare once again that I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.