How easy is it to stay faithful to your spouse / partner?
Its funny how you keep yourself ‘sexually faithful’ to one person but have emotional ties with different people. I never really gave it a thought until I read a post by Folasade who is a phenomenal Psychologist and writer.
Her post on emotional infidelity is eye opening, please read below and comment.
It is easier to asses yourself and come to a conclusion that is supposedly accurate, that in your relationship/marriage, you are the faithful one as long as you are not having sexual relationship with another person, failing to account for that person that means a lot to you, whose friendship means life to you because he/she is so understanding and always have the right word to offer during troubled times.
Most times, people unconsciously develop emotional infidelity until they are been confronted with the hard truth of accepting what they failed to asses. That your ‘just my friend’ that knows every details of your marriage/relationship, including the times that your spouse seemed so inconsiderate and it is his/her advice that helped you to forgive him/her. That your fellowship brother/sister that is your prayer partner that you easily agree with over prayer points but argue over the same prayer points with your spouse. That friend that gives you his/her attention during working hours no matter how busy he/she is compared to your spouse that will not even pick his/her calls. That gentleman/lady, whose company you found so easy to relax and pour your heart forgetting the hours spent because it seemed like seconds and the time is still not enough. That close friend that you take extra hours putting finishing touches on yourself for because of that lunch break that affords you the opportunity to be together. That man/woman that can pacify you no matter how angry you are. That man/woman that knows your best food, your best perfume, your best colour, your best dress, your best smile, your allergies, your favourite restaurant, your best everything and he/she is not your spouse.
“Emotional infidelity is an intimate connection with someone other than your partner. More to the point, it’s when that person becomes central in your life and, in some important ways, takes on the functions (excluding sex) of your partner”. Is it easier for you to confide in him/her effortlessly? Can you do without speaking to him/her in days and still feel whole? What about that daily phone conversations and endless chats? Can you feel comfortable around your spouse with your ‘just my friend’? What of those harmless informations that he/she knows but which you forgot to mention to your spouse? Are you more lively around him/her no matter how tired you are? Is his/her jokes so hilarious compared to your spouse’s dry and boring jokes? Are people asking questions about your ‘just my friend’ that is always offensive to you? Are you very defensive about him/her? Does he/she remembers your birthday some days earlier unlike your forgetful spouse? There are thousands and more questions that may have popped up on your mind that are not included above.
What is the solution after a thorough assessment and honest answers to all of the above? Make your spouse your first priority, your first “go-to” person for most things. Discuss your ‘just friend’ with him/her with a lot of discretion, avoid arguments and fight during discussion, revive your friendship with your spouse, giving room for growth with a lot of patience. Lastly, define your relationship with your ‘just my friend’ again and keep it plain or keep healthy distance (you can add other measures).
Remember no health without mental health.
To view more posts from Folasade visit http://www.cooliee.com