Never have I felt so vulnerable. His eyes roamed all over me, taking in the smallest details. I shifted from one leg to the other, trying to figure out a way to hide myself. My hands weren’t an option at this point- I couldn’t be so obvious. As he moved closer, I felt my legs shake ‘please don’t fail me now’ I whispered… I have to be brave no matter what.
Each step he took towards me was torture; he had eyes that seemed to pierce deep into my soul; searching me, exposing all my flaws, tearing down what I thought were my solid walls of defence, digging in far beyond my obvious nakedness. I backed up, looking for cover, anything will do at this point!
I found nothing… I had gone too farwith him, there is no way out. I accepted my fate as I realized that this was turning out to be weirder than I expected! I never should have fallen so hard… At a point, my ego told me I could handle it – ha! Yea right! I closed my eyes and prepared myself.
It suddenly didn’t feel so bad. The less I fought, the better I felt. I peeked from behind my closed eyelids, he offered a reassuring smile… hmmm! I won’t be fooled again by his charming smile, No! I tried calming my racing heart, maybe I could take control. He had gotten close, barely a foot away… I could feel him. What was his game? What move was he going to take? My head started to spin all over again.
I collapsed, collapsed right into his arms – there was no point fighting it, this is what I signed up for.
Being completely open to someone especially in marriage is a scary thing. Allowing another human see the real you – your strengths, your weaknesses, your highs, your lows; really isn’t an easy task. The fear of being vulnerable is constant, the dread of the person taking advantage is ever so imminent.
Regardless of these possibilities, a marriage needs complete openness to be successful… my humble opinion.
P.s. still trying to take control!