Advise Needed!

I have not been able to gather my thoughts enough to write a post that’s from deep within.

The past couple of weeks have been so emotional for me.

Starting a new job, getting used to the changes, acclimatizing with new people have not been a walk in the park. I have also had to visit people dear to me at the hospital for two weekends consecutively, managed my emotional and mental states, etc.

As a working wife and mother, I worry and struggle to balance my work and family. Sometimes, I get home so knackered I barely have time to do anything other than take a shower and sleep! Where does that leave family / bonding time?

Surely there must be an easier way to deal with this lifestyle.

Many times I have considered throwing in my resignation and starting up a business even if its buying and selling (which frankly used to scare the hell outa me).

My weekends are now so priceless to me, I get so selfish. I’d rather spend it at home all day than go for the usual weddings, hang outs.

I have to stop here as I stole a few minutes at work to write this… need to get home to cook and catch up.

Anyone one who has advise for me should please drop a comment…

  • 8-5 or business?
  • Nanny or not?
  • House wife or worker?

Good Night!

 

BIPOLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER

Mandy is currently 25 years old and works as an assistant manager in one of the insurance companies. Since she was a teenager while in secondary school, Mandy had suffered mood swings.

She recalls being extremely unhappy with no appetite, poor sleep, lack of interest in her school work, lack of enjoyment or excitement while at other times she was full of energy, excited, elated and generally hyperactive. She was often taunted while in boarding school due to this with people calling her names like ‘blowing hot and then cold’, ‘erratic girl’ etc.

Unknown to her, she had a condition called Bipolar Affective Disorder or Manic Depression.

Her parents felt this was just a way of life for her and she got into a lot of trouble at home because of her poor performance at school. However she managed to finish school eventually and go into University where she performed fairly better but had poor relationships with friends.

She graduated and by the time she got her first job, the mood swings were re-occurring more frequently and affected her appraisals and performance at work. It was not surprising one day when her boss suggested that she proceed on an extended leave and see a therapist. This turned out to be the beginning of the solution to Mandy’s problems.

BAD  Bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels and the ability to carry out daily life activities. It is a chronic illness that must be managed throughout life.

It was formerly called manic depression and these mood changes vary, occurring only few times a year or several times a week. It usually manifests in late teens or early adult years while most of the cases start before the age of 25.

The disease tends to run in families. Children with a parent or sibling who has the disorder are more likely to develop the illness compared with children who don’t have a family history of it. Environmental and psychosocial factors also play a role.

Bipolar disorder comes with intense emotional states that occur in distinct periods called mood episodes. Each mood episode is a drastic change from the person’s usual mood and behaviour. An overexcited state is called a manic episode while an extremely sad or hopeless state is a depressive episode. Sometimes one can have symptoms of both mania and depression called a mixed state.

Symptoms of mania or a manic episode include: long period of feeling happy, excited and elated, irritability, inability to control the train of thoughts, talking very fast, restlessness and inability to sleep. Others are restlessness, being unusually distracted, taking on new activities, not feeling tired and being impulsive. An individual with mania may be disinhibited, engage in risky sexual activities and may have an unrealistic belief in his or her abilities.

In our society, this could be manifested as individuals feeling they have some special powers to heal or do miraculous things which they couldn’t do previously. Even when such a person doesn’t sleep adequately at night or doesn’t sleep at all, he or she gets up energized and active.

On the other hand depression comes with prolonged periods of low mood or sadness, feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, sluggishness, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed including sex and changes in the eating or sleeping patterns. A depressed individual may also have nightmares, have thoughts of death, self-harm or suicide. Carrying out daily activities becomes a lot of effort and the individual just wants to be left alone.

Sometimes a person with severe episodes of mania or depression has psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions such as in schizophrenia. For example in a manic episode an individual can believe he is famous or interacts with famous people and is special and more important than others. While a depressed individual may feel his life is ruined and can’t be redeemed hence it would be better to just die. He may also hear strange voices talking to him and confirming these beliefs.

Bipolar disorder may also lead to the abuse of alcohol and psychoactive drugs. Poor performance in school and work has also been noted. Bipolar disorder is often reoccurring but in between the episodes the individual may be free of symptoms while some have lingering symptoms. If left untreated, bipolar disorder can worsen and episodes can become more frequent or more severe over time.

Proper treatment for bipolar disorder helps people to gain better control of their mood swings and other symptoms and continuous treatment may be required throughout life to control the symptoms. Treatment usually involves a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Family involvement and support are also essential.

www.happyfamilyhospital.com.ng

 

UNLEARNED

How easy is it to let go of someone you love. Is it easy to walk away from something you are used to? How easy is it to let go of bad habits? Is it really easy to pick up broken pieces and move on?

Some people are so adverse to change while others just blend in and go with the flow. I have never been a sucker for change but I am learning to accommodate it better.

How do you adjust to life changes? How do you move on? How do you fit in? How does it hurt less? How do you face your present challenges and conquer? So many questions that aren’t so easy to get answers to.

One thing that I have realized must remain constant is Focus. Focus on the reason, Focus on how to thrive, Focus on living, Focus on the things that matter, Focus…

Just as we learn behaviors and pattern a lifestyle, we unlearn too.

Unlearning is much harder than learning. Unlearning takes more time, it takes more strength, commitment, unlearning takes grace.

Have you been in a relationship for so long which ended abruptly? Had to stop eating your favorite meal due to health reasons? Had an unplanned pregnancy? Found yourself being an orphan overnight? These are a few examples of the situations life throws at us that bends us, crushes us under the mighty weight of unlearning.

I have had to ‘unlearn’ many times in my life.

Right now, I am unlearning a lifestyle and a habit (all at once!) and I can say that it is far from easy! Many times, I want to throw in the towel and crawl back to my comfort zone but then I try to focus… I focus on the reason, I focus on the goal and I pick myself up and move on.

Unlearning can be good too, sometimes we need to unlearn some habits to grow. No matter what the situation is, may His Grace be sufficient.

Great weekend folks!

SUICIDE

A youthful life lost, within the blink of an eye.

Kola was a promising young lad who had just gained admission into the university to study economics. He appeared eager to get into school at that time, after all he had been at home for two years due to the problems he encountered with JAMB.

During the 2 year period Kola became less interactive at home, he was noticed to keep to himself and stopped visiting the neighbour’s house to watch his favourite team play (because in his friend’s house there is usually full subscription to DSTV, while his own house his single mother of 3 could not afford the full bouquet).

Kola who had a voracious appetite was noticed to eat less and sleep less. Most times he was deep in thought and lost to his surroundings. He had mentioned to his elder brother at one point that he was tired of being alive but his brother brushed it off as one of those ‘talks’ by young men.

Two weeks before the fateful day he had a talk with his close friend Chinedu in which he voiced his desire to end his life. This time his friend informed his mother. A typical Nigerian mother she exclaimed ‘’God forbid bad thing’’. She called her son aside and prayed for him.

The next day, she invited 3 pastors over to the house to talk to him and pray against such bad spirits, but alas he was found hanging from the ceiling in his room dead.

Life was too hard to live, he felt hopeless and helpless in the world.

In a written suicide note he apologized to his mother and two brothers for what he had done. He also apologized to the father he never got to know.

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. It is the third leading cause of death for people aged 15 to 24 years and it is the second leading cause for people aged 25 to 34 years. Suicide rates have generally increased for middle aged and older adults and 1 suicide death occurs for every 4 suicide attempts. Reports show that women attempt suicide more often but men are 4 times more likely to die from a suicide attempt. Most people who consider or attempt suicide have one or more of the following:

  • Depression – This is the commonest reason people commit suicide, like in the case of Kola above. Severe depression is followed by a pervasive sense of suffering and a belief that escape from it is hopeless. So the pain of existence often becomes too much for severely depressed people to bear.
  • Other mental health illnesses such as schizophrenia, BAD, leading to auditory hallucinations in which a person may hear voices telling him/herself to self-destruct.
  • Use of drugs and alcohol can lead to impulsive behaviours.
  • Crying out for help and not knowing how else to get it. They may not have intended to die but things may go horribly wrong.

Once someone talks about suicide or about wanting to die or disappear even in a joking manner, such conversation must be taken seriously. Any suicide attempt must be taken seriously even if the person was not harmed. It is also important that people with depression or substance abuse problems seek help because these conditions can be treated.

www.happyfamilyhospital.com.ng

Prepare while you wait

It has been eleven days since my last post. Between that day and now, so much in my life has changed. 

My daughter has become more playful, making me her playmate. Every evening (in the last week) I’ve come home to picnics, medi-pedi, make up classes, art / coloring sessions etc. It’s mind blowing how much energy she displays. I find myself struggling to keep up! 

Also within this week, I began a new chapter of my work life. Many of you guessed from my last post, I was making a major decision. Well, that’s it! 

After six years of working in one place, God decided to move me. To be honest, it hasn’t been the easiest transition. Being the rookie sucks! Many who know me know I’m not that open to change and I can be quite… Uptight! I have now been placed with people who are so spontaneous, it makes my head spin! One great lesson I have learnt this week is to prepare while you wait. 

A lot of times when it seems like we are stuck in a place, we stop living forgetting that every experience counts. 

The more we live, the more we learn. The more we learn, the more impact we have. The more impact we have, the more fulfilling our lives are. 

I know it’s not easy taking that leap of faith to prepare for something you haven’t even perceived is in sight but that’s why it’s called faith! 

Many thanks to those who prayed me into this new chapter, I hope to prepare even as I wait for the next chapter! 

#inothernews this just happened:

Art on my fridge

I have told the culprit to clean it…. I can’t kill myself! 

Sentimental…

I have always been very emotional.

I would get hurt at the slightest thing, cry so hard whenever something unfavourable happened to me. I made decisions based mostly on my emotions. This got me really burnt when I almost ended up marrying the wrong person.

Somehow through my emotional ‘ups and downs’ way of life, God saw me through most of my decisions and ensured I got on the right path, mostly. The major ‘life-determining’ decisions I have had to make so far have always been so tough. I usually do not realize until I get out, how hard it really was. Most times, I just go into an automated mode and live through that period like I’m watching from outside my body while everything falls into place. Grace.

Sentiments never gets anyone anywhere. An online dictionary describes a sentimental person as a person who relies on emotions more than reason. Making life decisions emotionally never ends well because your emotions are temporary and will change while you have gone ahead to make a decision that will influence your life possibly forever. Someone once told me that e.m.o.t.i.o.n.s means E – emotions in motion. This means it isn’t constant, emotions vary depending on circumstances and our responses to it.

Therefore if emotions are fleeting, we are encouraged to set aside sentiments when making decisions that will influence our lives forever.

Recently, I have chosen to be less sentimental as this hasn’t paid me (if anything, I have been burnt more) and make more rational choices. This doesn’t mean that one should lose all sense of sensitivity in dealing with others, God knows how sensitive I am lol but indeed there is a need for a balance.

So please pray for me as I begin this journey (better late than never)!

My Blogger Recognition Award

Blogger

I was just about considering taking a break from writing when I got a mail saying I have been nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award!

My heart raced as I read through Oma’s mail. The humour was finding out it wasn’t a real award but an internal ‘gig’ for bloggers!

So nonetheless, here’s me celebrating, for being a part of this.

Before I proceed, here are the rules:

  1. You have to thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog;
  2. You have to write a post to show your award;
  3. Give a brief story of how you started your blog;
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers;
  5. Select 15 bloggers you want to give this award to; and
  6. Comment on the blogs of these 15 bloggers and let them know that you have nominated them, providing a link to the post you created.

So here goes:

  1. I was nominated by Ihuoma – my blogger colleague who amazingly remembered me. I am a silent reader of her blog (which is pretty amazing), find her here: https://omasserendipity.wordpress.com/
  2. On-going
  3. Growing up, I always had a nudge to pen down my thoughts/feelings. Being a strong critic, I never really saw myself going through with it. I was availed the opportunity when I got married and was faced with a brand new chapter of my life. The feeling was so overwhelming, all I could think of was writing and so I wrote…. I started off writing down some of my weirdest thoughts ever then graduated to publishing on Blogspot, WordPress, now here.
  4. My advice to new bloggers is: ensure you write from your heart. Many times, you might face opposition but as long as you are happy and not hurting anyone, DO YOU! Oh and also, do not be afraid to explore. I know I have been faced with fear countless times but I really do try to break free.
  5. So I am going to break this rule a bit…. I am nominating four and not fifteen bloggers I’d like to give this award to – just because I can! A. https://munachiii.wordpress.com/                                          B. https://achalugowrites.com/                                    C. https://chichirp.wordpress.com/             D. https://fruitandvineblog.wordpress.com/

I am hoping someone is inspired today, Lord knows I need some extra inspiration this period!

Wishing you all an amazing week!